WiseGal

The Lord has been trying to shake me awake. Trying to pull me out of my arrogance and teach me the true meaning of humility.  “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.” Matt 5:5. For the longest time, I never understood the connection between meekness and inheriting the earth. What does one have to do with the other? But I think I’m finally understanding. God does not want for His followers to come to the false conclusion that they are responsible for the blessings in their lives. In the second letter to the Corinthians, St. Paul tells us that after all of the amazing miracles and wonders God worked through him, he was given a “thorn in the flesh…an angel of Satan, to beat [him], to keep [him] from being too elated.” 2 Cor 12:7. That is some powerful imagery. In order for Paul to stay meek, he needed to remember that he was mere human. And by remembering his humanity, Paul would be forced to rely on the Lord for everything. And by relying on the Lord,

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will nev er do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.” This was Thomas Merton, one of the most prominent theological thinkers of recent history. Even he struggled with discerning the will of God. Whenever I feel that God has stopped directing me, I stumble across this quote. It comforts me to know that I’m not

In order to fully understand where I’m coming from, you should read about where I’ve been. This is my story so far. I was raised by two devout Catholics, one a convert from atheism, the other a walking miracle. Even as a child, I remember questioning how true it all was, the Catholic faith. After all, there are plenty of people who are equally convinced of their own different religions. However, having devout parents means being exposed to more religious experiences from a very young age. While I was in middle school and high school, I suffered from depression and anxiety and struggled with my faith in God. Despite my mother's miraculous healing from an incurable illness, my father's complete conversion, and my own knowledge of having prayers answered, I wasn't sure if there really was a God. Intellectually, I thought it made sense, but I couldn't feel Him. I believed with my head, but not with my heart. During my sophomore year of high school, I